The takeaway is that our brain does not know the difference between social and physical pain, in that either experience is potentially harmful to the organism and thus is actively avoided. In the past, when our human society was much more in need of each other to protect ourselves from the elements and other predators, it meant death to be rejected and ostracized from our community. Today that old wiring remains and gets set-off when we receive a social snub from another.

In my experience of working with clients, a physical injury can lead to long term problems, like limping, joint pain, splinting, and avoiding or limiting use. Similarly, emotional pain, whether experienced from their family, schoolmates, work, or other social situations, is remembered as painful and cause long-term effects and patterns. These individuals have learned that others are not safe to be around because they may cause them pain. This emotional pain pattern creates fear and expectations that have a dramatic impact on their ability to live freely and thrive.

It is extraordinary to think that both ends of the spectrum can make life unbearable for human beings: living without people or living WITH people! But it remains true that if emotional pain patterns of rejection, judgment, low self-esteem, and other negative ways of being get established early on, than the individual is left to suffer with the belief that people are not to be trusted. You can imagine how that affects their ability to feel love, safety and freedom in partnerships, family, work, and more.

Bodywork has the extraordinary capability of diffusing these patterns while affirming an individual’s sense of well-being and personal safety. In receiving consistent, therapeutic, and supportive touch, a direct communication is received by the deepest layers of subconscious, that humans CAN be trusted and that the client is worthy of feeling good and being accepted. It is a joy to work with individuals who are initially hesitant or even fearful of deeper intimacy and connection, who over time and consistent effort, find they open up “in spite” of themselves. Touch has an ability to circumvent the beliefs of the mind and interrupt thinking patterns that might otherwise try to avoid social contact and vulnerability with others. Touch speaks louder than any words as its impact and energy can be immediately felt and embodied.

Remember too, that as an infant, we are completely dependent on our mother to provide loving nurturing touch and connection. It is a deep human need to be loved, accepted, and encouraged by touch. In fact, studies infants not regularly touched (say at orphanages) show that these children have delays in neurological function and sociability.

As was mentioned in the article, biochemically, touch releases endorphins to assist with relieving pain (it is exactly why we rub injured areas). Additionally, nerve impulses that send “good” feelings are mylentated and thus “out-run” the impulses that carry pain signals. In my experience of working with people of all ages and backgrounds, bodywork’s ability to leave everyone feeling good, safe, stable, and “grounded” in their body and over time in relationship to others is very effective, regardless of whether the pain is physical or emotional.

The truth is that meeting your partner and deciding to make a commitment is only the first leg of the journey … that’s when the real adventure begins.

As you grow in relationship, old shells of how you’ve operated before crumble away. If you are truly going deep in relationship, it eventually becomes a serious blow to your ego. As “two become one”
each of you has to confront in yourselves exactly where you get stopped in being fully present to and loving with your partner.

To support you in remaining connected with your partner it is helpful to understand the differences in how each of you may approach life. Each of you has a core that is more feminine or masculine. To
one whose core is more feminine, life is the very essence of being and that being flows with each moment. The ups are high as the breath of life exhales radiance, color, warmth and beauty in the elements of nature: waves crashing, flowers blooming, the warm sunset on the horizon. And the lows are low as full emotional
expression of varying flavors arises unpredictably like the weather.

For the masculine, the essence of life is the deep independent expression of their true force into the world. That expression can be taking a stand for what they want, deciding to live their life purpose, or simply calling their partner into the present moment with a touch, a kiss, and an embrace. The feminine and masculine express themselves differently and find their true essence met and appreciated in very different ways. Each gets fulfilled in different ways and to each being this need is the deepest and most intricate
expression of who they really are in the world. The trouble is, oftentimes the partner expressing the opposite essence, has no clue how to deal with and include their mirror.

Jen and I have found that the most recent events in our life have put pressure upon our relationship. Our independent ways of being in the world are being put to the test and where they are weak and unable to support our relationship, the “cracks” have been showing up. One of the major communications in relationship is finances. Who earns what, how to cover expenses, who contributes what amount, and how to meet each partners needs for food, shelter, fun, and life. Feminine and masculine expressions of energy approach the conversation of money from different perspectives.

For Jen, her masculine energy has been out of balance and she has been the one trying to do, make calls, write emails, and wield her masculine power to make things happen. I, on the other hand, have cultivated a feminine energy of trust, relying on the Earth to provide, and breathing to create clients and money. Each of us has been missing the fact that we are approaching the question of money and business from the opposite of our divine gifts. Because Jen was not coming from her natural feminine core, she has felt exhausted and her body has been calling to her with pain and discomfort. I have been feeling lost, without direction, scared, and unwilling to pick a path and stick to it. Together, we lost our spark, our attraction, and have been missing the passion we so deeply want with one each other.

Needless to say, this has placed tremendous pressure on our relationship. Not only with regard to money, but with our ability to be truly in love and present with each other as the “shit hits the fan!”

AND we still remain focused on and committed to love! We look to each other to challenge our habits, to love us into our natural expressions of being, and to keep returning to our hearts and the spark between us. It is NOT always easy. And the tools we practice together are cultivated and honed under the fires of challenge, discomfort, and love.

We are the walking expression of our work. We offer ourselves to your relationship as humble guides and loving partners. We know how challenging it can be to feel love when the trials and tribulations are placing your love under duress. Come share your experiences and hone your skills in relationship with us. Consider checking out our last Happily Ever Now workshop.

May your relationship be a source of fulfillment, growth, and enlightenment!

The course I was taking at the time was delivered at a bodywork school during our holistic health practitioner training program in 2004. The notion of taking total responsibility for my life at that time was simply inconceivable (and even today brings up resistance). I wanted to blame my parents, my friends, strangers, the United States, the world, and anything else that I could to take the pressure and the attention off me. Through this program I learned to enhance my ability to help my clients by moving beyond simple massage therapy and adding coaching support. Suddenly now, I was not just “fixing” my client’s bodies, I was actually helping them to better understand themselves. Of course, as I stepped into asking my clients to take responsibility for their health and well-being, I was confronted by the areas I was not doing the same.

Here’s a quote from the book, Zero Limits, that describes what “total responsibility” means:

“The purpose of life is to be restored back to Love, moment to moment. To fulfill this purpose, the individual must acknowledge that he is 100 percent responsible for creating his life the way it is. He must come to see that it is his thoughts that create his life the way it is moment to moment. The problems are not people, places, and situations but rather the thoughts of them. He must come to appreciate that there is no such thing as ‘out there’” (137).

At first blush this is tremendously challenging to swallow. This concept had my mind/ego go a bit nutty. My mind chatter blared: “You mean I’m responsible for the car accident that the insurance company said wasn’t my fault? My girlfriend’s PMS, taxes, my client canceling their appointment, and the refridgerator breaking … Cat poop on the carpet AND my sister hating her husband … AND the wind blowing, sun shining, sky falling… AND, AND, AND!!!!!”

To put this into perspective, ask yourself this question: Who else is there experiencing, living, and being in all areas of my life?

The answer, of course, is: only ME! The challenge is to accept all of my life, the problems and the blessings, as my responsibility, simply because I am the one constant in all of it. Thankfully, Dr Lew does not leave us hanging there with nothing to do when things are not going our way, accept to grin and bear it (although I will say smiling does help).

To take this concept a bit further down the rabbit hole, I will quote Zero Limits again:

“The only sure way [to transform yourself so the rest of the world changes too] is with ‘I love you.’ That’s the code that unlocks the healing. But you use it on you, not on others. Their problem is your problem, remember, so working on them won’t help you. They don’t need healing; you do. You have to heal yourself. You are the source of all the experiences” (47).

You may want to reread the above quote several times.

I ask you: What if by accepting responsibility for every thing and every person who comes into your life you are at the threshold of completely changing how your life appears? What if in the process of owning all of your life, you actually step into the power position and begin to create your life? What would you create from that perspective? How would you change your life, right now, knowing, trusting, and loving your own power?

I have learned the lynch-pin of the magic is to love myself more for how my life is. It is a way of honoring my creative ability; in the same way religions honor their unique god’s creation of the world. In taking full responsibility, the sorcerer’s hat falls upon my head and I become divinely gifted and all my creations (whether my mind judges them as good or bad) are beautiful and perfect as they are.

By taking the position of loving yourself and all that you manifest, you are placed firmly in the driver’s seat and the world is your oyster. Test drive this concept for yourself and see how your world changes.

I highly recommend reading Zero Limits to help expand upon and clarify these concepts. I will return with another post about the next set of tools that Ho’oponopono provides to forgive and accept the results and situations in your life that were (or continue to be) not to your liking.

First, I want to clarify that how I think about and practice CranioSacral Therapy is in alignment with the original Cranial Osteopathic model developed by William Garner Sutherland, D.O.. The modern evolution of this early 1800s era approach to treating head conditions is the BIoDynamic CranioSacral and Upledger Institute, founded by John Upledger, D.O. models of CranioSacral work.

One of the interesting misconceptions I have noticed on the internet is whether CranioSacral Therapy “adjusts” the cranial bones. When I hear adjusting cranial bones, I have visions of bones popping, lots of pressure, and a wild-eyed practitioner inviting me lay on his magic table … and most uncomfortably, I think of pain!

Perhaps the general public has a different vision, but I want to make sure CranioSacral Therapy does not get similarly misperceived.

Note: In the coming days I will be writing a page that goes into detail about bone development, so keep on eye on my blog for its posting. At my heart I’m a body-nerd who loves the intricate and beautiful details of our anatomy and physiology.

In the meantime, I’m going to cut through some of the juicy details to the point: bone is born from and made up of the same tissue that bone is meant to support. Our muscles, tendons, ligaments, fascia, and other connective tissue give birth to bone and are intricately interwoven into its formation. What this means is that bone is embedded in our tissue and therefore an adjustment only occurs at the points of relationship with other bones … the joints.

There is no space between our bone and the surrounding muscles, fascia, skin, etc. A bone doesn’t adjust its position relative to other tissues (unless it was broken or tissue was torn). An adjustment, in the chiropractic sense, is shifting the actual position of the bone at the joints between bones. Whether its our knees, hips, shoulders, neck, knuckles, jaw, or vertebrae, the change in position happens in their relationship with other nearby bones.

When a bone becomes misaligned its change in position places pressure on the nearby tissue, adding strain on distant tissue, and potentially shifting the whole balance of the skeletal frame. The result of a bone out of position can range from immediate and debilitating pain to a barely noticeable shift in the range of motion resulting in long term problems, like stiffness, soreness, imbalance, posture changes, bunyons, different leg lengths, inflammation (arthritis), pain, and more.

There is no doubt that proper alignment of the bones is necessary to maintain optimum health and feeling good in one’s body. Thank you doctors of Chiropractic!

We took a look at bone’s affect on tissue; the other end of the spectrum is the tissue’s effect on bone. Because the bone is a mix of hard mineral components (calcium, phosphorus, and more) and flexible connective tissue, its relationship with the surrounding tissue is complex. When the bone is first formed, during gestation, it is encapsulated in a sea of connective tissue. For most bones, a thin layer of membrane forms to separate the connective tissue from the cells laying down cartilage. This membranes also houses the developing nerves and blood vessels that will provide the living matrix of bone and connective tissue with its nutritional supply.

Later, in utero and following birth, the first-stage cartilage (the flexible, “plastic” bone present now in your ears, knee joint, nose, and ribs) is transformed and hardened into second-stage bone. The minerals that form the structure of our bone is laid in pockets of connective tissue that form the layers of scaffolding for bone. This mix of hard minerals and flexible tissue give the bone a very powerful ability to withstand compressive force (from the weight of our body under gravity) and a hardness that gives us the strength to pole vault our body over a hurdle 10 feet in the air.

What this means to CranioSacral Therapy is that the actual pressure utilized by a practitioner is very minimal and can be described as light, gentle, and soft. The force a CranioSacral therapist is applying cannot “adjust” the bones in a chiropractic fashion. In fact the force does not need to be heavy, because this work instead seeks to connect with the bones AND their relationship with the tissues. We are not pushing against bone to change the structure of the tissue (like a deep tissue massage), but instead nudging the bone within the sea of tissue it lives. The bone and the tissue responds by melting and gliding into a new position. The actual change in bone position is relatively minimal, but the effect of relieving misaligned bone pressure upon nerves, blood vessels, and nearby connective tissue is immediate and beneficial.

I want to highlight that this is only part of the picture. Because bone is embedded in our muscles and other connective tissue, these tissues deeply affect the position (and even shape) of the bone. The pull of connective tissue can pull bones out of place (at the joints). In some cases of chiropractic treatment, if chronic muscle tension is the culprit for consistant need of adjustment and NOT addressed, than the patient will continue to need the services of a chiropractor indefinitely. This is one key reason that I recommend getting massage and bodywork along with any chiropractic treatment being received.

In conclusion: because the relationship of bone and connective tissue is tightly intertwined, both a heavy or soft manipulation can have an effect on their proper positioning and alignment. Don’t underestimate the power of a gentle and well-trained CranioSacral touch and don’t overestimate its ability to reposition bones relative to techniques that use substantially more force.

Future blog posts will cover other areas of CranioSacral Therapy. I welcome any questions you may have and would be happy to tailor blog posts to meet your interest.

Fueled by a fabulous workshop we attended under the juicy name Sex, Passion, and Enlightenment, I have had a whole new understanding of the difference between the sexes. And yes, not only are there blaring biological differences, but also differences in perception, thinking, approach to life, and so much more. And especially with regard to the conversation of MONEY!

Here are some of my thoughts:

The feminine approaches money from what is needed now. Cupboards almost empty, lets get groceries now. I’m almost out of makeup, time to visit the store. The wedding is next week, I don’t have anything to wear, I want to purchase a new gown for that event. Keep in mind, that when the money is not immediately available to address a need, if the feminine is divinely aligned she will “dance” her the money into existence, calling on the natural forces of the Earth with which she is naturally and bodily aligned. If she is not “resting” in her natural power to call the energy of the Earth plane to her will, than she will feel unsupported and scared, like the ground is falling away from her feet, causing her to “freak out.” Tears, moaning, and uncontrolled shaking scares the hell out of her masculine counterpart because he approaches money from a different perspective.

The masculine trusts that from his point of view, money and finances are a linear, one-to-one relationship. Going to work and putting in 8 hours on the job, leads directly to 8 hours worth of pay. If there is no money in the bank account, the masculine essence will look for ways to address that need by listing clients to call, objects to sell, and other brothers to mobilize into action to address the lack. He needs direction, action, and the world to meet this directive expression of his power. A man, unaligned with his masculine, will rest and wait for the money to appear, “hoping for the best” and isolating himself from the world until “the coast is clear.”

These differing approaches will place pressure on each partner to show up in the relationship to the best of their ability. For Jen, her masculine essence has been out of balance and she has been the one trying to do, make calls, write emails, and wield her masculine power to make things happen. I, on the other hand, have cultivated a feminine essence of trust, relying on the Earth to provide, and breathing to create clients and money. Each of us has been missing the fact that we are approaching the question of money and business from the opposite of our divine gifts. Because Jen was not coming from her natural feminine core, she has felt exhausted and her body has been calling to her with pain and discomfort. I have been feeling lost, without direction, scared, and unwilling to pick a path and stick to it. Together, we lost our spark, our attraction, and have been missing the passion we so deeply want with one each other.

Needless to say this has placed tremendous pressure on our relationship. Not only with regard to money, but with our ability to be truly in love and present with each other as the “shit hits the fan!”

AND we still remain focused on love! We look to each other to challenge our habits, to move us into our natural expressions of being, and to keep returning to our hearts and the spark between us. It is NOT always easy. And the tools we practice together are cultivated and honed under the fires of challenge, discomfort, and love.

Being in relationship … who new it was a path to enlightenment?

NY Times reports: Having a Baby: Infant’s Smile Works on Mom’s Brain

Research points out that a mother’s brain responds to her babies’ smile by producing dopamine. This is a neurotransmitter (within brain chemical) that facilitates the maternal bond between mother and child. This facilitation occurs because Mom feels GOOD when her baby smiles. The beauty of this arrangement is that Mom gets consistent reinforcement to love and care for her child every time that little devil gives her a smile! Note that the same sort of response that occurs when a drug stimulates dopamine, endorphins, or some other brain chemical to feel good. Nature’s beauty is that by the same arrangement that allows us to get addicted to drugs, Mom is encourage to bond with her baby.

The article made another passing remark: that release of dopamine was also stimulated when her baby cries (or as this study simulated, by seeing a picture of her baby cry). Plus, this same response occurs in women regardless if the baby is hers or not. I offer that this again is a natural maternal goal of motherhood - to respond to her baby’s needs and to make sure they are well taken care of. The idea that all women would have a similar response makes sense when viewed from the perspective that any living baby becomes the responsibility of all women to make sure he/she survives.

Below the cover of our docile, “house-broken” exteriors, humans are animals at our heart. Our brains very powerfully respond to instinctual needs: finding food when hungry, needing a place to live to feel safe, and chasing after the opposite sex to fulfill our reproductive destiny. It makes sense to me that any woman will hear the biological call to support and care-for ANY infant in distress. This makes sure every human infant will find the care needed to survive. Without this brain mechanism, a woman would not have the natural urge to take care of another’s baby and in case of a women’s injury, accident or death, this could prove to be quite a problem for her baby. The implied beauty of this instinct, is that female humans (and many mammals) are naturally inclined to take care of another’s young, whether born by her or not.

I love the biological beauty of how our humanity is actually run by the amazing interplay between biology, instinct, emotion, and human thought. Science continues to find the reasons why we do the things we do, but any mother knows that taking care of a baby and witnessing their smile is simply the RIGHT thing to do! Perhaps one day science will get over itself long enough to simply (and quietly) appreciate the beautiful mystery of humanity.

Once again the native American model for living provides lovely insights into the metaphor and meaning of illness and health. Thank you Lynne!

Check out the blog entry from Lynne McTaggart, “Living the Field” Community entitled: “Healing Like A Native”

Here is a quote to encourage you to read the whole article:

“To Westerners, illness is an individual, isolated event. It is something that entirely and solely belongs to him. The native American view of illness and healing, as with everything else in their world, rests upon the notion of relationship. They view their lives, as well as their states of health, as subjective and participatory, as part of other processes - past, present and future. A physical symptom is simply a metaphor for a spiritual illness - a manifestation of imbalance. An individual who is ill is fundamentally out of balance with the natural universal order.”

A word of caution: I will use we as a designation for human beings as the masses — this may not apply specifically to you as an individual — I only ask that you try it on like a jacket and if it does not fit or support you in expanding your vision, than take it off, return it and ask for a refund. Back to my belief(s) are integration…

We need time to integrate. The difference between spiritual growth and body-mind-emotional growth simply is time. Our spirit may “get it” and frankly we may even “understand it,” but it takes time and (sometimes) practice to integrate and “have it” in our bodies, minds (as in a thought that is accessible, remembered, and referenced), emotions (a whole topic in and of itself), and ultimately in our actions and relationships out in the world. Integration is necessary and possibly the most important aspect of growth, healing, and the nebulous term — Transformation.

We are not fully “transformed” until we have integrated the new information: a form of digestion, embodying, and release the “waste” — that which is unnecessary, superfluous, and unimportant to us personally. Integration is establishing our perspective, our thoughts around it, and the ways and means we are going to act out this in the world.

As may be obvious, I have alot of ideas that as yet may not be completely fleshed out or even understandable to the average human. I look forward to expanding on integration and the other aspects of the tremendous amount of amazing information and growth that has occurred for me in my years in the holistic healing field.

I also look forward to offering some of my own personal philosophy and intentions that are behind my coaching and bodywork practice.

Feel free to offer comments and feedback on my posts as they will support me in clarifying my ideas and making sure that which I express is relevant, supportive to the amazing expansion that is occurring on this planet, and generally of worth and value to you the reader.

Thank you for dropping by and I look forward to being of service to your growth, to encourage an opening of your mind, and to generally blow the top off any box that you may have adopted as your home.

Have fun, play, and recognize my ideas are may not be your own: as I was reminded recently on an audio CD for a workshop hosted by Joe Vitale of The Secret: Meditation is NOT what you think!

An excellent reminder for all that I do. I’d like to believe that life is not what I think, however, alas, a blog would then be completely irrelevant, eh?